So on December 12th I am going to getting a diploma and "stepping out into my future." And I am scared. For the first time in my life I cannot think ahead a year and have at least somewhat of an idea of where I will be. Even my senior year of high school, when I wasn't sure where I was going to college I at least knew that I was going to be a college. Know when I try to think about where I will be in a year I am drawing a complete blank.
I think teaching is the best career for me, but I could be wrong? What if in two years I am looking back and wishing that I had a different career? What if I feel stuck?
To be honest, my biggest fear is that I am going to be lonely and friendless. There is no doubt in my mind that what I am going to miss most about college is my friends. I am sure that we will make plans to see each other at graduations and so forth, but it just isn't the same, and there is always the chance that they will fall through. I am just scared that they will move on with their lives, and I will not. They will forget all about me and I will be a pathetic women who will look back at college as the prime of my life, and not be able to move on. I will come home from work everyday and just sit by myself and watch TV.
I want to remember college and my friends as an amazing time in life, but not the best time in my life. I want to know that life will get even better, but there is no way of knowing this. And that is why I am scared.
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Here's the thing. Obviously I'm not all knowing and wise or whatever. But I have been out of college for six months now. And you know what? You're sort of right. But not all right.
ReplyDeleteAdulthood is mainly about work. I work most of the time and spend a lot of my free time sitting at home watching TV, especially with my schedule being what it is working in television news. And sometimes at lunch time, I wish I had a friend around here to grab something to eat with. Sure, I've got friends at work and I do like many of them. But it's hard to form a bond with someone as close as in college, you just don't spend the same amount of time with them.
But you work at it and you hope to become better friends and you just keep on keeping on. These past six months have gotten monotonous at times and I do sometimes wonder, "Oh, God. Is this life for the next forty, fifty, sixty years?"
But I consider myself lucky every day when I think about the friends that I do have. I've got friends spread far and wide, from Oklahoma to Colorado to Florida to Pennsylvania to Minnesota to California and even Canada. And it sucks that I don't get to see them as often as I used to. But as long as they're still an active part of my life, whether that be through physical means or even texts, emails and Facebook posts, I know I'm a better person for it.
I hope this wasn't too cheesy or whatever. But it's all true.